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As I age I gain an understanding of that which I knew I knew as a kid. At 18 to late 20s I knew quite well what was right and wrong with the world. Or so I thought. And as I moved through that period and progressed toward the half-century mark, my rightness was assured by thought-- and not only that, but the feeling of youth and well-being did not seem to diminish, as I had observed happened to the generation of my parents when they were that age. Not that there were no trials or set-backs in accomplishment, career and relationships, but moving through the challenges seemed always assured and fulfillment was the proof of my right-mindedness.
That was then. And so much for that.
I now look back to my fifth decade and can judge that it was then that I started to realize perhaps that my mental progression may well have been flawed for most all my life. And now almost midway through my sixth, I not only am quite certain that it was, but that all my thought was, is and always will be of an imperfect nature. Furthermore, the thought, reasoning, rationale, deduction—whatever verbal moniker one would apply to the process—all self-directed, mental activity by everyone, everywhere and always does lack perfection. And that is such a relief.
I don't have to figure it out. I don't have to solve the problem. I do not have to have it all or be perfect now or ever. I am free. Free to do my best and accept the results of my efforts. And as well, to acknowledge and accept the same effort and giving to life by others. We are free.
I can now move on to progress by all processes of life. The material and mental tools have been my limits so far. Resources beyond these are now being discovered, explored and utilized. Life begins anew.
Now what? Why do I write this? What made me realize the flaws of the mind?
As I age, I gain understanding. But it is not by my own efforts. It is more by a letting go of efforts. I have worked myself into such a corner, such a box canyon, that there was no where else to go. I had to look at the absolute futility of the strife and competition to gain success and perfection in all areas of my life. Sitting in the corner of this room with no view, but the aged walls of staunchness, I can only stop and let go.
Expansion of consciousness is beyond the mind. I love this freedom.
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